Happily Unmarried
In January 2019 I ended a 20-year relationship (which included a 17-year marriage to the father of my four children). The decision to end the relationship was not an easy one. It has taken years of conscious intention, attention, and corresponding action in the form of yoga, meditation, journaling, silent retreats, women of color retreats, counseling, solo traveling, traveling with my sister and sister friends, soul searching, truth telling, shadow embracing, bibliotherapy, and lawyer consulting, among other things. All of this helped me to get centered, gave me clarity, and provided a grounding foundation for me when it felt like everything around me was falling apart. This lived experience has been invaluable for me and I know there is value in sharing my story – especially for other High Achievers. This is part of my purpose. It is about providing supportive content that speaks to the evolving process of becoming what I am calling “Happily Unmarried.” This includes offering individual coaching, a multi-week group coaching program, workshops, and retreats designed to support you in getting from "Unhappily Married to Happily Unmarried in 7 Powerful Stages."
See my "Happily Unmarried" Spotlight in State College Magazine!
Stay tuned for more details! Sign up for updates (select "Happily Unmarried!" to join the email list for updates).
See my "Happily Unmarried" Spotlight in State College Magazine!
Stay tuned for more details! Sign up for updates (select "Happily Unmarried!" to join the email list for updates).
Happily Unmarried was Made for YOU!
If you are facing any of the following, then Happily Unmarried is for you?
- Are you Unhappily Married?
- Are you contemplating divorce?
- Are you recently separated and/or divorced?
- Are you feeling alone, alienated, and/or ashamed on your relationship journey?
- Are you feeling stuck in fear, indecision, confusion?
- Are you feeling like the end of your relationship/marriage is a personal/moral and insurmountable failure?
- Do you need a supportive space to get centered for self-awareness and self-acceptance, allowing you to make choices from a place of power and agency?
My Story (Short Version)
In 1999 I was a 21-year old first year graduate student straight out of college. I got married between my first and second semesters in a doctoral program in Philosophy. I had two children (in 2001 and 2002) before finishing graduate school (earning an M.A. in 2001 and Ph.D. in 2003). I had two more children (in 2009 and 2011) while in my second tenure track job. I earned tenure in 2015. I had the illusion of everything I wanted from the outside looking in (husband, children, and tenure, plus my coaching business). But by 2016 I could finally admit that I did not want to be married anymore. That same year, I hired a lawyer/mediator to draw up a post-nuptial agreement (to work out custody, support, assets, and debts) in the event of a divorce. Then I trusted my intuition and I gave myself permission to end the marriage, getting a legal divorce in 2017. At the time the kids' dad and I thought it would be best for them if we continued to live in the same house. We said this was for the kids, but if I am honest, it was also to keep up appearances. Additionally, I still enjoyed his company and was not really ready to let go. During this time (post-divorce) my relationship with my now ex-husband seemed to improve (e.g., there seemed to be more mutual respect, thoughtfulness, care, etc.) and we attempted to reconcile in 2018. But again, I was brought back to my earlier intuition. Something felt off and just not quite right. As much as I wanted to believe I could make it work, it felt like I was forcing it, sticking with it because it was familiar, and keeping up a facade. At the beginning of 2019 (interestingly, there was a "super blood wolf moon" in January that represented transformation and letting go of what no longer serves us), I got clarity about the need to release my illusions concerning this relationship. And although living in the same house initially worked well for us and the kids, I recognized that this arrangement was no longer tenable. By the end of the month he moved out of my house and we disentangled our finances (at that point, all that remained in both names: a joint checking account and car insurance). Of course, we are both committed to being cooperative co-parents to our four children. We have taught them that our marital status does not determine our family status. The resulting positive shift in energy has been important and helpful for all parties. Now I have more physical and metaphysical space to continue to thrive being the "High Achiever" I have always been, while also thoroughly enjoying being deliciously intentional about indulging in the juiciness of "Erotic Empowerment."